Markers on the calendar of my life.

     There are certain dates that have become markers on the calendar of my life, whereby events in the chronology of life are recalled in relation to these important days.  In other words, as I look back, in my minds eye, at periods or single events of my past, they are remembered in relation to these seminal events.  "Oh yes, that happened before ______, or that season of my past occurred after, and perhaps in response to  ______," I might think to myself.  My past is ordered according to these dates. They are few, but life changing.
     One such date was the day of my mother's death, December 12, 1978.  I had never experienced a day like this before, nor have I since.  My emotions were brutally ravaged that day, and for many days after, as I witnessed the closest example of Christ literally living in human flesh being taken out of my life.  This began a several year period of troubled questioning of everything she taught me about my Heavenly Father, and His goodness and love.  A period of which I came out of with an even stronger faith and certainty of His providential will being forged out of the unexplainable sadness of the reality of death.  This is a story that deserves its own time, and perhaps I will give it that in the future.
     Another marker is the day I got married.  God blessed me with His best in the person of my wife, Vanessa.  She has truly shown me the meaning of unconditional love both for me and the children.  This date, June 4, 1993, certainly is a life changing one.  Again, like the story of the redemption of my faith through the tragedy of my mother's death, I must tell this story, but in another blog.
     The most recent of these dates, and the point of this writing, is the date of October 3, 2010.  This is the day that the doctors told me, and Vanessa, that I had (what they call) a terminal disease, specifically pancreatic cancer.  I cannot adequately put into words how this diagnosis affected me and my family over the next 24 hours or so.  For me, it was like taking all my emotions, the hopes of the future, the desires of growing old with the ones I love, and putting them in a blender, on high speed, and then handing it back to me and saying "Here, do something with this."  
     Well, by golly, I have done something with this.  I decided first that the doctors don't always know everything.  I decided that I was going to live according to the reality that I wasn't going anywhere until God says so.  I decided that living with the ever present knowledge of the reality of my mortality is a good way to live. I decided to live!
     Now, don't get me wrong.  I all too well realize the severity of my disease and the statistical prognosis of those who suffer with it.  It has perhaps the worst survivability of all the cancers, mainly due to the typical late diagnosis, and therefore a late stage in the progression of the cancer. 
     Mine is a stage III, non-resectable (couldn't be removed surgically), localized, adenocarcenoma of the pancreas. The tumor had completely blocked the duodenum, so I couldn't pass food through the stomach to the intestines.  Since living without being able to eat is not a pleasant thought, I underwent a complex bypass surgery within a week of the diagnosis. Though recovery was not free from difficulty, it was well worth it as I can now eat anything I want, even that which I shouldn't.  
     I am on a relatively strict diet of which I constantly, according to Vanessa, whine about.  It is a simple food plan; everything that tastes good I cannot have, and anything that is green, leafy, has no calories, and actually consumes more calories in the eating than provides in its substance, I should eat--in abundance.  Now, I am a pizza boy.  I love pizza.  I used to be able to consume vast quantities of pizza in one sitting, like 15-20 pieces.  Come to think of it, maybe that is why I have cancer now.  Anyway, pizza is no longer on the menu.  Although, I have cheated.  It felt so good to cheat.  It was on Super Bowl Sunday, and I had three pieces of the forbidden.  I must admit that the anticipation of the eating was very powerful, but the actual eating was rather unspectacular, especially for a pizza boy.
     Getting back to the disease, after recovery from the surgery, I heard of a clinical study being done by the Mayo Clinic regarding specifically pancreatic cancer.  After a series of tests I was found to be eligible to participate.  This treatment entails two infusions per visit.  One drug (the first) is the study drug, followed two hours later by the standard gemcitabine chemotherapy. I have completed 3 series of this treatment at this point, and will begin the fourth on Monday the 21st.  A series consists of three weeks of treatment (Monday infusions), followed by one week of rest.  I have seen positive results from this regimen with shrinkage of the tumor along with cell death within the center of the tumor.
     I would like to acknowledge all those who have loved me and my family over these last few months.  You have done it so well in so many ways.  Thank you.
     So, this is the latest, and perhaps most profound marker on my life's calendar.  I will continue, with great joy, on the path that my Father has set my feet on, not one of my choosing, but of His.


Grace and Peace,
Eddie


Romans 8:18;  For I consider that the sufferings if this present time are not worth comparing with the glory this is to be revealed in us.

Romans 8:38-39; For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.